WAMPA (the Work and Maddening Progress Association) is a new literary and political movement, which pledges to employ 35 million Americans, 200 Mexicans or 15 Canadians for 2 to 7 years, or 3 to 6 months, whichever comes first. These beneficiaries will be paid in WAMPA scrip – wooden coins (or textual representations of wooden coins) featuring the profile of the Baroness Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven – in quantities sufficient to provide for all basic and advanced needs. In return, beneficiaries will work on behalf of WAMPA, building roads down which no cars will travel, raking leaves in public libraries, and eating soy dogs in anti-revisionist restaurants. Revolutionary idleness and mere thought will sprout like shrubs everywhere that WAMPA walks. The ultimate goal of WAMPA is to replace the American economy with a full-service kindergarten where the worthy and the worthless can zone out side-by-side, where bad characters and emperor protectors can make love non-stop in landlord mansions. A country where uselessness and efficiency do trust-falls into each other’s arms, where goons and geeks can perform disloyalty dances in the Jersey City dark, where other rhetorical excesses will be visible, audible, and perhaps even tactile in the works of WAMPA beneficiaries, who will wake up from every nap with all 50 American stars in their eyes, leaping up with counter-snore revisionist element eagerness to go back to sleep standing up!
The first WAMPA beneficiaries are as follows:
Joseph Mosconi will be paid 1,000,000 pesos in WAMPA scrip, payable by the Central Bank of the Republic of Zimbabwe.
Stan Apps will be paid 1,000,000 pesos in WAMPA scrip, payable by the Central Bank of Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA).
Harold Abramowitz will be paid 1,000,000 pesos in WAMPA scrip, payable by the Central Bank of the Confederate States of America.
Anne Boyer will be paid 1,000,000 pesos in WAMPA scrip, payable by the Central Bank of the German Democratic Republic.
Tim Peterson will be paid 1,000,000 pesos in WAMPA scrip, payable by the Central Bank of the Republic of Biafra. (It is rumored that Tim may refuse this award, in emulation of Jean Paul Sartre’s rejection of the Nobel Prize. If so, we at WAMPA wish him luck. More scrip for us!)
Mark Hoover will be paid 1,000,000 pesos in WAMPA scrip, payable by the Herbert C. Hoover Commission for Truth and Reconciliation.
Other beneficiaries will be announced shortly. America will be asleep on its feet with WAMPA in no time!
With a large majority, the delegates unanimously approve this resolution proposed by the WAMPA Central Committee.
WAMPA scrip
The Baroness Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven
3 comments:
I heart Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven. And I love William Carlos Williams even more for punching her in the face. It is perhaps the greatest image I can possibly conjure up.
We at WAMPA do not condone the actions of Mr. Williams. Nor do we believe that it is the greatest image "just another flaneur" can conjure up. In fact, WAMPA believes it to be a debased image. With WAMPA, your images will increase in depth and complexity a hundred-fold!
what about duncan and watten flailing at each other for the love of Zukofsky? is that debased? Can Wampa HELP Barratt out of his new fighting technique?
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